Is there a difference between having sex and making love? Does casual sex, without the love, mean a fear of intimacy? I have witnessed the debate on many forums across the web. I have my own opinions on the subject.

Having Sex

When you are having sex, it is strictly about your body. You are responding to your body's need for a physical release. This can be with your spouse, lover, friend, or a one-night stand. Many people believe that you are making love when you are with your spouse. I don't think this is always true.

There are times in which you don't want or need romance and it might not correlate with a fear but an understanding of what you want and don't want in your life at that moment. All you need is skin to skin contact. This can be in the form of a "quickie". Sex can be very satisfying and pleasureable like this.

Making Love

When you are making love, it is usually with your spouse or a long-term partner. You obviously have strong feelings and emotions for this person. You have time and energy invested in the relationship. You have dreams for a future together.

Making love is about connection. Truly connecting with another person on a soul level. Your heart, mind, and body are all involved. Making love is usually slower and more sensual. Sometimes, making love can bring tears to your eyes because you are so filled with love for your partner.

All in all, I think that there is a difference. I don't think that the difference is if you are in a committed relationship. A lot of married couples just "have sex" more often than not. This can be due to a number of circumstances; children, work, etc. Focusing on our love and on our sensuality can bring back some of that great connection we had when we first fell in love.

However, you engage in connecting to a partner, it's good to inquire about your level of satisfaction with the current situation. If you would like to make changes, a sex and love counselor can help you identify the blocks and move past them, unto a fulfilling and happy sex life.