There are four problems that really stand out in many relationships. You will probably recognize these ultimately no-win situations in the way you and your mate relate with each other. Once you recognize and acknowledge them, you can take the first step to positively transform your partnership.

1. Blame Game

The blame game can be the hardest relationship problem for people to understand and admit might lead to trouble in Paradise. It is so much easier to play the victim and blame the other person for all of the ills in the relationship than to own up to our own part. When you learn that at least some of your partner's behavior is appropriate and that the unhappiness is actually within yourself, then you can stop blaming your mate and start on your own inner work. Ultimately, this is a win-win situation because you will be happier with yourself, as well as, in the relationship.

2. Trying to Change Your Partner

Acceptance is the key to this relationship challenge. The Serenity Prayer offers this helpful advice: Accept that you cannot change the other person; you can only change yourself. To try and change someone who does not want to be changed is like repeatedly hitting a brick wall that will never budge - a painful and ill-fated task. This, of course, doesn't mean that you put up with abusive behavior. It does mean that you truly love and accept the person you are with or ask yourself why you are with someone with whom you are not compatible.

3. No Respect

Everyone needs to feel respected. Using "I" messages is a good strategy to show respect for your partner and to take responsibility for your own feelings and role in the partnership. Attacking your partner only creates defensiveness and does not lead to problem solving. For example, rather than saying, "You acted like a real jerk leaving me alone at that party", you might consider saying, "I felt kind of left out when you walked away to talk with your friends". Once the use of "I" messages is learned and established, you can then learn basic problem solving skills.

4. Having to Be Right

Who says you always have to be right? This problem is fairly easy to fix once you learn how much mileage you get from being the one to give in on an issue or to apologize first. This doesn't mean that you always wimp out, play the victim and accept the blame. It just means that you have enough respect for your partner to acknowledge he or she may be right, that you don't always have to agree on an issue and that it is important to choose your battles. Once couples see how unhappy always being right is causing each of them to feel, they are happy to give up the need to be right all of the time.

The Key is Awareness

Your awareness of the above relationship issues can help you change patterns that aren't working. The dynamics of every couple are unique; however, so if these problems continue to be rigid and unchangeable, seeking help from an experienced counselor or therapist can help you to discover your own personal relating patterns and provides you with the tools necessary for positive change that will last a lifetime.