We have all felt both physical and emotional pain. Cuts, falls, bumps - anyone who has ever broken a bone or had surgery is very familiar with the concept of pain. Those suffering from chronic debilitating illnesses know all too well how difficult it is simply to get out of bed some days. Some have come to accept the condition of living with pain on a daily basis. Emotional pain can feel just as severe and just as debilitating. There are myriads of pills, lotions and tonics for what ails us physically but few for what hurts or pains us emotionally.

Along with the pain of loss from the death of loved ones and from physical and other life changes, most of us will experience the pain of separation through break-ups and/or divorce.

Although not easy, emotional pain can be a transformative experience, providing us an opportunity to learn about ourselves and to grow.

We are often not taught how to handle someone who is broken. Consider this scenario — You pull up to a stoplight or a corner and you see a person sitting there with their cardboard sign asking for money or work. You quickly speed up or slow down, play with your radio, pretend to look elsewhere or talk on your cell phone - all so that you won't have to make eye contact. Sound familiar?

Perhaps if we pretend that we don't see it and don't acknowledge it, then emotional pain simply doesn't exist. We can pretend it is "someone else" who has the husband who beats them, or the child on drugs who has gone wild. Stories of people killing their wives and then committing suicide in the news are perceived as isolated incidents so that we don't have to connect with the existence of "real" pain. We can go on with our lives pretending there is no tragedy, hunger, sadness or pain - until it strikes us.

There are old sayings such as, "No Pain No Gain" or "Pain is Inevitable but Suffering is Optional" that give hints on how to view and approach the experience of pain.

• How can we apply these concepts when pain enters our home and life?
• What can we do and where can we turn for help when we are truly hurting inside and don't know what to do?

Acknowledge the existence of pain.

• Acknowledge that there is pain, sorrow, grief and hurt all around us. This is the first step in dealing with and transforming pain.
• Recognize and acknowledge your own feelings so that you can move forward towards resolution in your own life and/or in the lives of those you care about.
• Understand that addiction, anger, affairs, child abuse, etc. are born out of pain and that they generate new pain. If not looked at and dealt with, they will continue generation after generation.

We are not alone in our experience of pain.

• Pain is part of the human condition and will be experienced by all.
• Pain is put in the path of each of us for a reason.
• Although it cannot be avoided, emotional pain, like every emotion, will pass or at least lessen over time.
• Your experience of pain can help you to be more empathetic to the pain of others and to feel more connected to all of humanity.

So how do we grow through our pain?

• Acknowledging and allowing the pain to be felt can lead you to something transformative. It is said that you can't have a breakthrough without a breakdown.
• This is the time to reach out and find the support you need – talk with other loved ones, friends, and/or spiritual advisers, join support groups, seek counseling, etc.
• Use this time as an emotional growth period. Reflection, writing, art, walks, reading - whatever helps you to feel, process and transform you pain.

Whether it be a break-up, separation, divorce or any other relationship pain that has led you here, it's an opportunity to really look at your emotional status and health and get the assistance you need to transform pain into joy. The pain doesn't have to last forever. You can get through it and grow through pain.